I've been putting this off; this blog. I was supposed to put it out there a few days ago but haven't found the time. (Um...sorry God...I like my comfy Christiancouchpotato life, so just give me some time to get my thoughts together!!) Not that admitting I am selfish is a shocking
revelation. I am selfish . to . the . core.
I do a great job of appearing virtuous on the outside, but the problem is that God sees right through my big hair and cute clothes, into my heart. And He lays my motives bare.
Really God? Is this really necessary? I've prayed and prayed for you to change me into the woman you created me to be. I didn't know that meant you would be bringing these painfully secret things out into the light. And I didn't know you
would ask me to share my journey with others.
But I DID say I'd do whatever you asked of me. And this is what you asked of me. Why do I get the feeling this is the 'easy' part?
So apparently there is freedom in transparency and honesty, right? This brings me to the reason I'm here. It all started at the CHOSEN Women's Conference at my church, Seacoast Church, this past week. I'd heard that Jen Hatmaker was going to be there and so I figured I'd read a couple of her books in the weeks leading up to the conference, just to find out what she was all about.
I read Jen's latest book 7: An Experimental Mutiny against Excess and Interrupted. Lets just say WOW! These books got all up in my bizness!
Both books were a call to put my faith into action. Therein lies the problem. While I read them and agreed with them and was stirred by them, I didn't actually DO anything. I just read them. As if I were telling God "I shant be bothered by actually DOING something!! That would take actual work...and it could mean I'd be uncomfortable. I don't like being uncomfortable." The result was full-blown Holy Spirit conviction.
I think it went something like this...
H.S.: Hey Jill...just a reminder... Faith without works is DEAD. Did you hear that?
Dead. Like a body without the spirit is DEAD, so faith without works is DEAD also. That's a clue as to why you aren't feelin it. Perhaps you might take some ACTION? If you will allow me, I will show you what to do.
I'm paraphrasing but this is pretty much what HS said. He was right. I AM lazy and largely apathetic to my own junk, much less anyone elses pain and suffering. Ewwww. I really don't want to be that girl. I want my existence to count. I want a new start. Don't let me stay like this!!!
I repented. I told God I didn't want to stay the same. He told me he was hoping that's what I would say. He wants more for me than I could ever want for myself. He's going to teach me how to get off the sofa and love somebody!
This is where the fun begins. I am a little petrified but I am also excited to see where God, my CREATOR, my REDEEMER, the AUTHOR and PERFECTOR of my faith, possibly wants to take me.
I'm pretty sure I want to go. Especially if it means I get an extra comfy sofa for my mansion in Heaven! A girls gotta dream.
I will keep you posted along the way.
